Scene Two: Will And Mark’s Exposition

TIME: 11:03 AM 18th May
[Mark walks in bring in his lap top and drags a adaptor from behind the settee then turns the television on and plugs in his deep fat fryer. He then leave the room again and comes back in with even more things then plugs in his laptop , phone charger, drill with a spoon attached to the end, he then leaves again comes back in with a glass of water and a strange satchel of powder. At this point Will enters, Mark and Will grunt at each other Will sits down on the settee and Mark open the satchel All this time the world most depressing news reports are going on, on television]

VO: The Main stories tonight: Recently published figures show that our countries startling moral decline has led to such an increase in gun crime that next year we can all expect to be murdered, at least twice! Doctors declare that 40% of cot deaths, cannot be properly identified until the victim graduates from university. Unemployment has reached nearly three times the population of the British Isles, Interest rates are rising, the stock market is falling, everyone’s got cancer, genetically modified cows to take over from New Labour [Click]

[Will grabs the remote control and turn the television off]

Mark: I was watching that!

Will: No you weren’t you were working!

Mark: I was doing both!

Will: You can’t you’re a man, men can only do one thing at a time

Mark: I can’t believe you’ve prescribe to that pop psychology’s ridiculous over generalisation. It is true that the basis of the males evolution does originates from the highly focused hunter gather model.

Will: Sorry what was that I wasn’t listening, I was busy passing wind!

Mark: My god, Will, some time I really do believe I can see you de-evolving in front of my very eyes, I swear some day I’ll come home and you’ll be naked throwing your faeces around the place.

Will: You however, are just about to evolve into pure energy, aren’t you! Is that why your still single Mark, have you evolved too far out of our gene pool, are you waiting for a nice Vulcan lady!

Mark: Fuck you’re a Neanderthal!

[Mark gets on with his work]

Will: You want a cup of tea

Mark: [Trying to ignore him] No

Will: Coffee

Mark: No

Will: Squash, milk, water, my juicy man milk
[simultaneously]
Mark: No, No, No, NO

[Mark buckles down to his work again]

Will: Three day left eh, not long now, you must be under loads of pressure.

Mark: I can cope.

Will: This is a crucial point now.

Mark: Humm

Will: Have you back it up I mean it would be terrible if you lost your work now three days from the hand in date.

Mark: It would be impossible for me to lose it

Will: How do you mean?

Mark: I have it backup on my spare computer, backup on the internet, backup on zip drive, personal organiser, and the toaster. I’ve even texted it to my sister in Australian in case of all out nuclear war. My disaster recovery plan has taken everything into consideration up to god deciding he made a mistake and going to start again.

Will: So what bit are you writing now?

Mark: The introduction!

Will: WHAT!

Mark: I’m speculating on the growth of the human brain over the last centenary

Will: What the hell does that have too do with the psychologically study into the effects of prolonged exposure to pornography on the modern man?

Mark: No they err stop me from doing that, something about academic credibility or something.

Will: Shit does that mean were not going to be able to claim these back then? [Will picks up one of a huge pile of porno Videos]

Mark: Yer and but worse still it means I had to start my entire dissertation again.

Will: So what you doing now?

Mark: The effect that modern technology has had on Human evolution. It’s quite stimulating actually my paper addresses point that human evolution has now ground to a halt because rather than evolving to fit in with our environment we are adapting our environment to suit us.

Will: Ooooo, you are a exciting fellow aren’t you Mark, It’s amazing the ladies don’t snap you up!

Mark: o yer cos women love you, don’t they, last time you tried to talk to your mum she maced you!

[Will rips out a page from one of Marks texted books crumples it up and stuffs it in his mouth as if eating it then spits it out at Mark, Mark gets up in a strop walks out, then was back in with petrol canister]

Mark: Will, your rooms on fire.

[Will stands up and runs off stage, Mark gets on with his work]

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